“Solitude Nurtures Insanity”
I know it’s a stupid status to put but there have been many instances when I felt myself going crazy inside because of the solitude I feel. A lot many times I wish I was not so different from the others and knew how to fit in, a lot many times when I deeply wished I could redo a couple of days a couple of sentences that slipped my tongue.
Today being children’s day and everybody sharing good and cheerful things about childhood, I tend to look back at my days. There are some green patches but the burnt ones are overshadowing and making it look dull. Yes I had a rough time, in school, with family. From a little age I was more of an observer and a listener than a talkative person.
So there I was looking at all my friends talk with such glee, standing in a group laughing and all not sure what to speak out, and by the time I understood it’s not good to be silent - you have to speak up some time and make friends I was 15 and I was a mere toddler around them. I had a lot of stuff I kept to myself. I let it pass and started to learn something and I fall down, and the fall was pretty rough from which I can’t seem to get up.
I wake up every day sitting up in my bed looking at the wall, talking to myself [have to admit I do that a lot, at least] about how I want to take the first baby step towards relieving myself from the trauma. But at the end of the day when you lay awake looking at the ceiling, it was another unsuccessful day. But there are days when I feel good when I make a good friend. But even then I am afraid to speak all my heart out.
There are a couple of guys whom I could talk out freely and I am glad they keep in touch with me too. Cibin, Vivek, Abhay, Vineeth, Akhilesh, Vishnu are some of the few. Seen my hardships most of them and I talked with them about it too.
I really think it’s the solitude that I spend in my childhood that is haunting me still and also I fell pretty deformed, deformed as in like a person with tongue but can’t speak or like a person who stutters. I should say that’s how I started writing; my thoughts are pretty much easily conveyed in paper. When one gift fails another bloom, the matter-energy relations hold good here too [lol]. I feel like a nerd saying for saying that.
Anyways wishing all a happy children’s day.. :)